Return Me My Bulma: Part 3
by Lady Kav and Sandy Winner
Summary: Part: 3 Grape Soda Blues. The party has gotten out of hand. Don't worry a mysterious super-hero comes to save the day.......and it's not Goku. Goku decides to migrate southwards.


Part III: Grape Soda Blues  
  
The Son house blew up. There was nothing left but ashes. This, however, did not end the fight between Krillin, Tien, Chauzo, Goku, Yamcha, Oolong, Vegeta, Master Roshi, Yajirobe, Piccolo, and Chi-Chi. Sasami was horrified at the mayhem that occurred before her, and that cute blue cat had been killed in the explosion. Sasami exclaimed to Ryo-Oki, "I can't believe this is happening! I thought they were all friends! I have to stop this fighting right now."  
  
Ryo-Oki shouted, "Sasami! Transform into Pretty Sammy now!"  
  
Sasami ran behind a bush, held out her Magical Pen and said, "Juguum, Juguum Nusurunkirikurei Sammy Davis Jr. Transform into the Magical Girl Pretty Sammy. Out loud in her Super-Hero voice she said, "I always smile. I'm Pretty Sammy.Wait a second and I'll make you friends in no time." She took out her magical love cross bow and arrow aimed it the dust ball of Z fighters, Vegeta, Master Roshi, and Chi-Chi and said, "Magical Love and Friendship Shock!"   
  
And now at the most cliff-hanging moment a word from our sponsors at FUNimation Inc.......Bringing you the best in Japanimation!   
  
Howdy, all you DBZ pardners'. I'm the executive producer of Dragon Ball Z Gen Fukunaga. I have an important Press Breaking announcement. FUNimation has acquired the rights to dub the popular Japanese cartoon, Yu Yu Hakusho. We plan to release Yu Yu Hakusho to American and Canadian audiences in the year 2050. By then we will have finished dubbing the Buu Saga. I bet all you DBZ fans out there are just as thrilled as we are that FUNimation will be Americanizing and improving the original script of Yu Yu Hakusho.   
  
We here at FUNimation believe that we should be given the rights to all Japanese cartoons. We think that we would have done a much better job dubbing than Sunrise, Bandai, Viz, Pioneer, Manga, and Animeigo. If given the chance to redub one of the most popular Japanese Cartoons, Gundam Wing, we would have made it more popular and suitable to American audiences everywhere. Here are some of the most memorable scenes from Gundam Wing FUNimationized.   
  
CharactersFUNimation Names  
Heero YuyZero the Hero  
Duo MaxwellDorothy  
Trowa BartonRoy  
Quatre R.WinnerSigfried  
Chang Wu FeiJackie Chang  
Relena PeacecraftDame Dodoria  
Zechs MerquiseMiss Milliarda Merquise  
Lucrezia NoinAnita Ham Burgher  
Sally PoIvanna Bier  
Dorothy CataloniaLt. Bit Chin Off  
  
(Dame Dodoria has just arrived on the FUNimation Space Station. She's greeted by the distinguished leader of the White Hen, Miss Milliarda Merquise, and her assistant Lt. Bit Chin Off.)  
  
Dame Dodoria: I simply don't understand your methods of violence. Why would you go to such an extreme and destroy the entire Earth?  
  
Miss Milliarda Merquise: Without the Earth, I will be the most beautiful girl in the whole universe.   
  
Dame Dodoria: But surely there are other methods to accomplishing your goal such as plastic surgery.  
  
(Miss Milliarda Merquise jumps off her chair to hug Dame Dodoria)  
  
Dame Dodoria: I don't know whether I'm being held in the arms of my brother or sister.  
  
("Dude Looks Like A Lady" by Aerosmith starts to play in the background)  
  
Lt. Bit Chin Off: Perhaps Dame Dodoria, you will feel more energized after eating a couple of cakes, hamburgers, baked potatoes, fries, pizza, ravioli, and twinkies. (I'm secretly trying to fatten Dame Dodoria up so that Miss Milliarda Merquise will be the most beautiful woman in the world.)  
  
Dame Dodoria: Hot Diggity Dog! Are there any tacos?  
  
(Lt. Bit Chin Off leads Dame Dodoria to the mess hall)  
  
(On board Howard's Lookout high above the Earth, Sigfried and Roy were drinking soda, and Jackie Chang was working out when Dorothy walked in.)  
  
Dorothy: Where did he go off to, that Zero?  
  
Ivanna Bier (who is calling out from the bathroom): He went to rescue Dame Dodoria from the EVIL FUNimation Space Station. He's going to bring her back here.  
  
Dorothy: Mondo Cool!  
  
Sigfried: Mondo Cool!  
  
Roy: Mondo Cool!  
  
Jackie Chang: Heebie Jeebies! He's bringing a girl here? Well I do not approve of girls. If she comes here I will use my karate on her. ( Jackie Chang starts doing karate kicks and chops while in the background "Everybody Wants Kung Fu Fighting plays.")  
  
Dorothy: Looks like Jackie Chang has got a bad case of the hemorrhoids or sometin'.   
  
  
(Aboard the FUNimation Space Station, Sigfried and Lt. Bit Chin Off are going all out with pointy swords. Guess what? Roy is in daaaaa house!)  
  
Lt. Bit Chin Off: That blond hair! Those dark blues eyes! That sweet smile! They will be the cause of your defeat.  
Sigfried: You might be right but I was born that way. Besides what should I have done?  
  
Lt. Bit Chin Off: You should have become the leader of the White Hen, destroyed the Earth, and become the most beautiful person in the world.   
  
Sigfried: Bit Chin Off! That's not-  
  
(He gets stabbed by Lt. Bit Chin Off)  
Sigfried: Roooooyyyyy!!!!  
  
Roy: I'm coming Sigfried!!!!  
  
Lt. Bit Chin Off: And show those dudes from Earth a person so beautiful that they have no wish to see another.   
Sigfried: Is that... what this battle is about?   
  
Lt. Bit Chin Off: That's right....you can't win beauty contests with appearances alone. You have to kill those who stand in your way.   
  
Sigfried: Bit Chin Off You're like me....beautiful...but you never were able to except it. Roy taught me that you have to learn to accept everything about your body even if you are as ugly as Howard. Besides blowing up a whole planet is not the solution. A better solution would be to kill all the Super Models on Earth, rig beauty contests, or get a makeover.   
  
(Sigfried faints as Roy walks in to disable the Barbie Doll System)   
  
Lt. Bit Chin Off: Excuse me Mr. Hotpants! What do you have to say?   
  
Roy: As I looked into the mirror my heart slowly began to die. I've been ugly for a long time. Perhaps as a human I have no worth, but I must stay alive.  
  
Lt. Bit Chin Off: Why?   
  
Roy: Because I have a beauty contest to enter.   
  
Lt. Bit Chin Off: I.... no longer have any contests to enter.  
  
(Roy picks up Sigfried in his arms and they float to the Gundams.)  
  
(Zero the Hero and Miss Milliarda Merquise are battling with their Gundams atop of the FUNimation Space Station)  
  
Zero the Hero: Egad! Zechs...I mean Cell...I mean Miss Milliarda Merquise is going to blow up the Earth!  
  
Dame Dodoria calling from Mirai Octopus II: Zeeeeeerooooo the Heeeeeroooo! Power up your Gundam.   
  
Anita Ham Burgher: Miss Milliarda Merquise! Power up your Gundam!  
  
Zero the Hero: Urrrrgghhh Grrrrrrhhh!  
  
Miss Milliarda Merquise: Grrrrrrhhh Urrrrggggh!  
  
Zero the Hero: I would like to see your sword!  
  
Miss Milliarda Merquise: So you want to see my sword. I see your point. Don't you know it's not the weapon that makes the Gundam  
  
(Zero the Hero and Miss Milliarda Merquise fight with their laser swords!)  
  
Anita Ham Burgher: Mama Mia! The FUNimation Space Station and Howard's Lookout high above the Earth are falling towards the Earth. The Earth is going to be destroyed.   
  
Dorothy: Let's celebrate with some crunchy tacos.  
  
Sigfried: As long as it doesn't contain beans.  
  
Gen here again! I hope you liked our rendition of Gundam Wing. We at FUNimation were laughing so hard we wet our pants not once, not twice, but several times. So remember to protest outside the doors of Sunrise, Bandai, Viz, Pioneer, Manga, and Animeigo. Tell 'em FUNimation sent you. So long bros! Gen Fukunaga is no longer in Daaaaaa House!  
  
We now return you to Return Me My Bulma. Pretty Sammy has just used her magical love arrow to make everyone friends again. Stay tuned for the unbelievable outcome.   
  
As fast as it had begun, the fighting had ended. Glitter dust covered the whole of Mt. Paozu. Everybody seemed dazed. Chi-Chi, when she realized that her house was no longer standing, screamed, cried, and fainted.   
  
When Yamcha awoke, the first person he saw was Bulma. Her blue eyes sparkled in the moonlight. She looked so beautiful and slender. "Bulma, please forgive me. I've been such a jerk." Before Bulma had a chance to reply, he swept her off her feet and started flying back to Capsule Corp. Half way to Capsule Corp. Yamcha exclaimed, "Oh no! I'm such an idiot! I forgot to take care of something!" He flew back to Chi-Chi's former house. He grabbed Puar from Vegeta's mouth. Yamcha said, "Vegeta just because you killed Puar, doesn't mean you can eat him. I guess I'll have to wait till all the dragon balls are gathered again. In the meantime, we can use Puar as a rug!"   
  
Bulma winked at Vegeta and said, "Thanks for bringing me." With that they flew back to Capsule Corp. Vegeta just growled and having nothing else better to do he sat by a tree away from everyone.   
  
When Krillin finally opened his eyes he was lying on the ground with the girl that he had once loved dearly crying standing above him. He had never noticed how radiant she was before now. "Marron what's wrong?"   
  
"Oh Krillin, I'm all alone. Sushi Zedaki left me!"  
  
"Don't you mean Yamcha?"   
  
"That's not the point. The truth is I miss my little bald-headed cream puff."  
Krillin blushed as he put his arm around her. "C'mon Marron, I'll buy you an ice cream."  
  
When Tien opened all his three eyes, he found Lunch attending his wounds. He had never been attracted to girls particularly, but Lunch looked so cute with her red hair tie. "Lunch, your dress is torn. Why don't I take you back to KAME House."  
  
"Oh Tien, I thought you only cared about Chaozu."  
  
"Not any more!"  
  
The red-headed driving instructor watched in horror as an old bald man with a white beard staggered up to her. "You drive me crazy, wild mama! Ditch Piccolo. If you open up your hood, I'll show you my stick-shift."   
  
The red-headed driving instructor slapped Master Roshi and screamed, "Hentaaaaaiiiiiii! Pervert! Get the hell away from me! C'mon Chaozu, take me home."  
  
Master Roshi walked up to a passed out Piccolo and Chi-Chi. Goku was trying hard to revive Chi-Chi. Master Roshi stated, "It looks like Piccolo, like me, had a little too much punch. The Vodka you added packs quite a punch."  
  
"But master Roshi, Piccolo didn't drink the punch. I didn't add anything to the punch. But I did add that water you gave me to the water."  
  
Yajirobe remarked, "So you're telling us that you spiked the water? How idiotic is that. So Piccolo was the only one drunk! Even more idiotic is that Master Roshi acted drunk the whole time."  
  
"Umm....errr...well I was really trying to impress the ladies."  
  
"Goku, your party was so lame. Since there is no food, I'm outta here!" With that Yajirobe angrily stomped away. Seeing that there weren't anymore pretty blue-haired girls around, Master Roshi decided to return to Turtle.  
  
Suddenly Goku saw a flash of lightening in the sky. Out of nowhere came a lavender-haired teenager wearing yellow pants and a pink "Badman" shirt. He shouted out, "I'm here for the party!"   
  
"Wow, Trunks! You look really cool in that outfit. You look just like Vegeta."  
  
"Thanks. It must have been some party!"  
  
"Yeah well, Vegeta blew up the house."  
  
"No kidding. By the way where is he?"  
  
"He's sitting behind that tree. He's sulking because Bulma left him here alone."  
  
As Mirai Trunks walked towards Vegeta, Chi-Chi awoke. She started screaming, "Now what are we going to do without a house?"   
  
Goku put his hand under his chin and thought for a while, "I know! We'll stay at Piccolo's house in the South Pole! I'm sure he won't awaken for at least a week, we can use it in the meantime."  
  
"But daaaadd! I don't think Piccolo actually has a house."  
  
"Shhhhhh, Gohan! Don't tell your mother that."  
  
With that Goku picked Chi-Chi up and the Sons flew towards the south pole. "Hey Dad, do you know what happened to that sweet blue-haired girl Sasami? I hope she's all right."  
  
"I don't know, but I'm sure she's fine. You have a crush on her don't you."  
  
"Daaaaaddd! She's just my friend. But she is cute." Gohan waved goodbye to the passed out Piccolo lying on the ground.  
  
Sasami stood atop a tree watching Gohan fly by. Ryo-Oki looked at her and asked, "Do you think Gohan likes you?"  
  
"I wonder....."  
********  
This had been the worst night of his life. He had to spend his evening with those weird loud-mouth low-class Earthlings. Worst of all, Kakarotto had been there. He didn't get to eat his dinner of fried cat even though he killed it. And now, that stupid purple-haired Saiya-jin wannabe was walking towards him.   
  
"So Fath....I mean Vegeta, did you enjoy yourself at the party?"  
  
"Kisama! You Bastard. Get the hell away from me. Kuso! Why are you dressed like me."  
  
Mirai Trunks looked at his pink shirt and said, "Oh...Uh...Nothing....It's just that I....uh...like your shirt.... so I got my mom to make me one just like yours."  
  
"You would!"  
  
"I heard that you came to the party with Moth...I mean Bulma. Why aren't you with her anymore?"  
  
"I don't give a damn about that silly low-class woman."  
  
"But she's really pretty and sweet. I bet she makes you gravity bots all the time."  
  
"Well...if you like her so much, why don't you go after her and LEAVE ME ALONE. Besides you're the one who's always blushing around her."  
  
"It's not like that."  
  
Vegeta looked at Trunks' pink shirt and said, "Why are you always looking at me? Are you gay or something?"  
  
"You're changing the subject now."  
  
"Hmmmphhh."  
  
"Would you like some grape soda?" He handed Vegeta a can of grape soda and they sat quietly by the tree drinking it.   
  
Vegeta thought to himself, "Why the hell did that woman have to leave me with this idiot? What was his problem anyway, trying to set him and Bulma up anyway? Besides he'd never fall for that blue-haired onna."  
  
*******  
  
One week later........ Trunks is conceived.  
  
*Owari*  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to the following companies: FUNimation, Harmony Gold, Wall Street Journal, Disney, White Hen, Mattel, Sunrise/Sotsu, Bandai, Viz, Pioneer, Manga, Animeigo, and Pillsbury. We don't own the rights to the following shows: Curious George, Xena Warrior Princess, Dragon Ball/Z, Yu Yu Hakusho, South Park, Gundam Wing, Tenchi Muyo, and Sailor Moon. We don't own and wouldn't want to own Planet Namek and DaizenshuuEX. We don't own the rights to the songs "Everybody Wants Kung Fu Fighting" and "Dude Looks Like a Lady." We do not own the following people: Sean Schemmel, Puff Daddy, Chris Sabat, Gen Fukunaga, Cindy Fukunaga, Mr. E, VegettoEX, Eric Cartmen, and Poppin' Fresh.   
  
We do, however, own the rights to fried cat with barbecue sauce, DBZ Deluxe Character Toilets, Poisonous Blowfish Rainbow Fruity Cake, Lt. Bit Chin Off, the essay "Overcoming Your Fear of Wetting the bed" by Mr. C (Sandi-chan's brother), and the CD "Green Men Can't Rap."  
  
We also own the rights to the pick-up line: "If you open your hood, I'll show you my stick-shift."   
  
We'd like to thank the following Manga Artists for use of their characters: Akira Toriyama, Masaki Kajishima, Naoko Takuechi, Hajime Yadate, Yoshiyuki Tomino, Koichi Tokita, Hitoshi Okuda and Yu Watase.  



End file.
